Can you relate to how today’s author and sponsor, Katie Case, feels?
I bashfully type this post because the one thing I crossed off of my “to-do” list this morning brought me both joy and shame. Yet, despite my wall of pride, I feel compelled to share with you all. Perhaps because the accountability of sharing my shortcomings in hopes of doing better “next time” has become quite addicting.
Here it is …
This morning, coffee in hand, Tim and I finally sat down to write back to Jhun, the child we sponsor through Compassion International. From the outside looking in, we’re great sponsors! Jhun’s adorable pictures are on our fridge, his most current letter is usually stacked on top of the mail on my table, the Compassion website is bookmarked under my browser, and I pray for Jhun. I do. But, and there’s always a but, I know.
I can’t write Jhun letters. Er, I won’t write Jhun letters. I mean, I never “got around to it” — until today. Why is that? It makes me crazy! I know, we are actually the world’s worst sponsors. Compassion couldn’t make it any easier on us. They mail us the paper, the envelopes, the ideas. They also have a fantastic website, which allows us to donate more money online and submit letters electronically. What’s my problem?
I really think I let Satan capitalize on my fears, for lack of a better word. I take full responsibility. It’s not like Satan literally forced my hand, or more appropriately, held my hand back. I just succumbed to my irresponsible fears about writing the perfect letter or being able to do enough.
Of course I can’t do enough. I can’t. I just have to get over it and do what I can. But, instead, I don’t do anything. I mean, we send money and we love the chance to send extra for birthday, Christmas, etc., but for once in my life, I’m afraid to make this relationship personal.
It forces me to confront how crazy blessed I am on so many levels. It makes me think, again, about how unfair life is. I mean, I have thoughts that I just can’t rationalize. I just don’t get. I guess I fear what I can’t understand.
Anyway, the result is quite painful. Instead of pushing through these fears, I move on to the next thing on my list. I always jump over the task, write Jhun a letter. His new letters come and go to the top. I write his name down over and over again. His smiling face comes and immediately hits my fridge. But I struggle to pick up my pen and start the relationship. I doubt my ability to have the right words, to say the right things, to do justice to this incredible gift of a relationship.
Today we broke the cycle! I won’t tell you how long it’s been ;). I will tell you that I’m committing to write many more letters! Tim and I sent pictures via snail mail today and we also tried out the electronic option for writing a letter. It was incredibly easy. Why did I ever wait so long?
The way to Katie’s heart is through Sour Patch Kids, decaf coffee with coconut creamer, new slippers, and a 9-foot longboard. She blogs at The Case for Joy, which is where we lifted this post from.