private conversation Excerpted from Compassion Blogger, She Getz the Shot who won first place for the ‘Dear God’ Blog Month assignment.

Abba. You know I mean business when I sit down to write out my thoughts to you…

Well.

Here’s the thing. I’m selfish. And proud. Stubborn.

Worst of all I am deeply sure that you made me a mama.

Yup. Single me. Single me living in someone else’s house, with the two of them and their cat. The only children around are the ones in frames on the walls.

I may not love math, but this is a formula that clearly isn’t balanced…an unequation if you will.

Desire + aptitude + longing prayers + life experiences DO NOT = motherhood.

(You can’t really see it but the period at the end of the unequation is BOLD, because it was a loud ending.)

I sit with this thought, these thoughts on a rather regular basis. It isn’t always an ugly moment. Sometimes I wise up enough to listen, because I know You don’t stop speaking. Your listening and answering it all happens together.

I would still like to know though, how I am to use this piling up mama love when the children in my life live in Uganda, Ecuador and Guatemala.

You see, I wouldn’t have named my children Joseph, Nelson or Silvana. Honestly I didn’t even know Silvana was a name until I saw her face.

I can write letters. I can pray. I can be faithful in sending the money I promised to them.

I can’t reach arms out for hugs. I can’t call on the phone to read a bedtime story or ask about their day at school.

Maybe, Abba, you meant for me to be protective, a provider and an advocate. That is what mamas do right?

I can’t cook Silvana her favorite after school treat, but I can be a bonus mama who makes sure she gets to eat today through my sponsorship. I can’t make sure Nelson does his homework tonight but my sponsorship means he gets to go to school and not go to work today.

Oh and for Joseph, that little boy that stole my heart a decade and a half ago. Well his picture shows up in an envelope and I can’t figure out how they got a man in there. Even his letters, they show his progress. Show how he has gone from an inward looking I want to an outward seeking what can I give.

Abba. I don’t get it right. I don’t. But you gave me three more tries.

Thank you for trusting me three more times.

Me


Read the entire post at She Getz the Shot blog.

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  1. veronica
    Oct 25, 2012
    at 6:48 am

    This is truly touching and inspiring. This message is clearly an indication and in some ways, helps explain how any sponsor must feel about being an “invisible parent”. I wish time and space would allow me to say more, but truth is, this really is a reflective piece for me to think on about the two little whom I sponsor. This is great, and warm hearted. Thanks for the thought of love.

    • Oct 25, 2012
      at 11:48 am

      Veronica, you aren’t invisible to the children you sponsor. You aren’t invisible to God. You aren’t even invisible in the community that these children live in. Sandi Patty calls it being a bonus mom. Hugs to you!

  2. Oct 28, 2012
    at 9:29 pm

    One of the greatest gifts God gives through the ministry of Compassion is giving sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers to those who have none. It is a miracle in so many lives and the answer to many heart felt prayers.

    Through Compassion Isaiah 54:1 has become real in my life – I have more Compassion children than any biological mother and for this I regularly thank God.

    Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

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