As of about a week ago, I think I have finally got my hands around something solid. Now, the fun and creative part is over and the nitty-gritty, detail heavy part is looming.

In all honesty, it’s wearing me out. I’m not a detail-oriented person. I like to look at the big picture. And it’s in the details that I get lost, feel inadequate, and am ready to toss it to the wind or pass it off to someone else. After all, I’m just the intern.

But I read something yesterday that revitalized my efforts and has given me a hope about the future of this project. Donald Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz, was recounting a conversation that he had with a friend about how they came to Christ and were saved. His friend made the statement that it “just happened.”

It seemed as though it was completely out of his control. It was unavoidable and yet untraceable. He was looking for something; he just didn’t know God was looking for him.

As random and unexplainable as his search was, he found himself in church one Sunday and as the pastor made the altar call, he was compelled to walk the straight and narrow aisle without reservation. And that was it. He was a child of the King freed from guilt, shame, condemnation and death; given abundant life. He’s a pastor now.

God knows what he wants. He wants us, the way a groom longs for his bride. Isaiah 62:5 says that “As a man rejoices over his new wife, so the Lord rejoiced over you.” But there is more to it than that.

He has a plan and purpose for each of us. He has prepared good works in advance that we are to walk in (Ephesians 2:10). And this is what gets me excited. As inadequate as I feel when I work on this proposal, I know that if it is the Lord’s will, He will accomplish it; He will bring it to fruition no matter who, what, when or where. It is not dependent upon my ability or effort.

More than that, our salvation (how great, how strong, and how fruitful) is determined by the Lord as He grows us, stretches us, teaches us, and equips us. I don’t know about you, but often times I try in my own strength to be some sort of “super-Christian.” The thing is, this effort leads to an inward focus and eventual disappointment because I never get it right. But I am learning that when I let go and let God, my eyes turn upward and its no longer me striving but God refining.

It’s messy, but beautiful. It’s not easy but it’s necessary. I’m not always happy, but I have joy. I’m not strong enough most days, which is perfect, so that God’s power might be seen and He might be glorified.

All that to say, this proposal may not be the best written document Compassion has ever seen, because I am not the best writer Compassion has ever had. But God’s penmanship, His will, is greater than all of this.

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