“You are worthless.” “All you do is disappoint people.” “You will never be enough.”

These are the demons in my head. And in the minds of the children we serve. Rich or poor, Satan wants to entrap us. For the children we serve, Satan wants to convince them that the absence of material wealth equals the absence of love from a Heavenly Father. For those of us in the developed world, that negative voice might be just as loud, but for different reasons.

Years ago, I began making agreements with evil. I listened to these voices spouting hatred at me, these voices saying there was nothing special about me. Believing the lies led to crippling despair.

All I could think about was how bad I am. Shame overwhelmed. I felt trapped inside of myself.

Paralyzed.

All I could do was lie on the couch, watching the beautiful and exciting people on TV. Criticizing myself that my life wasn’t as interesting as the characters I saw, or that I could never fit into an actress’s tiny dress.

“What if I opened the clenched hands wide to receive all that is? A life that receives all of God in this moment?

How do you do that when the terror tears up your throat and you wear the burn scars of a razed past?” ~Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts

As I read Ann’s book, I feel like I’m sitting with a dear friend. Her words intrigue and encourage. She has discovered the key to joy and contentment: the discipline of thanksgiving.

By giving thanks for all that God offers, I am able to see beyond myself. Small things that might otherwise go unnoticed. But through gratitude, I have fresh eyes to see God’s generous heart.

Through my new, open eyes, I see fear loosen its grip. Self-hate has no room to speak. I see Christ everywhere! He is in these big and small things, whispering His love. I write in my gratitude journal:

• Pale pinks in a morning sky
• The utter silence of falling snow
• Gold ribbon
• Forehead kisses
• A cozy, old sweatshirt

My chains begin to fall away. The key of thanksgiving has unlocked my inner prison of self-hatred. Feelings of fear and self-doubt are replaced with hope and expectancy.

Instead of feeling trapped by personal inadequacy, I learn to believe in the promise that God is for me and with me.

I pray our Compassion kids feel this same wellspring of hope when the cycle of poverty is broken in their families.

Through One Thousand Gifts, the Lord is taking me on a journey to experience more of all He has wants to offer. To not settle for a life of complaint but to jump into a life of joy.

My Account l Sponsor a Child l Help Babies and Moms l Crisis Updates

You have prayed. You have asked your friends to pray. You would wear sackcloth and ashes in the streets of your neighborhood if it meant you would experience a breakthrough in a request you made to God so long ago.

“How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, ’Violence!’ but you do not save?” — Habakkuk 1:2, NIV

Now, at this point, you can’t help but feel doubt. You begin to wonder if the cynics and critics are right — that the Christian walk can be summed up as an emotional crutch for the weak and unfortunate, and that only the lucky and strong survive.

If this is your experience, I have one comment: Do not give up.

After all, if this world is just for the lucky and strong, how do you explain the advances and positive turn of events experienced by the children, young adults, mothers and families we serve? Do their successes come merely by chance, or are they the result of your prayers, commitment and reliance on Christ?

Just read the Bible and you will find saints, prophets and leaders asking the same questions as you are asking: Where is God and why hasn’t He answered me?

Whether it’s David, Job, Naomi or Habakkuk, almost every character in the Bible encountered, at one time or another, fear, confusion and uncertainty when it came to their faith. So you are not alone.

However, don’t make the mistake of judging God because you haven’t seen His work in action. Remember, crying out to Him about your pain is not a lack of faith, but denying that He cares and is working for you is.

For those of you who are tired from the load of your circumstance, I invite you to read the book of Habakkuk, especially chapter 2, where the prophet says, “I will stand at my watch … I will look to see what he will say to me. … For the revelation awaits an appointed time.” [1]

God hasn’t given up on you. So don’t give up on Him. Wait on Him and on His appointed time.

1. Habakkuk 2:1-3 (NIV)

My Account l Sponsor a Child l Help Babies and Moms l Crisis Updates

When I wake up each morning, I usually feel angry. I’m not exaggerating. Three or four days a week I wake up with a sense that my soul is drowning, like I’m 300 feet beneath the ocean surface, on the fringe of complete darkness.

I can see a place without anger. I can vaguely see some light, but I don’t know how to get to it. I can’t swim. I can’t move.

But my anger isn’t motionless. No. Not at all. The anger moves like an ocean current, from my head to my heart, repeatedly lapping against my heart, replenishing the old anger with fresh anger like waves depositing sand on a beach.

Sometimes I feel angry because I didn’t sleep well or I didn’t get as much sleep as I wanted. And then I get angrier for feeling angry about something like that.

Sometimes my morning anger is the “fault” of the dog next door, which began barking at 5:30 a.m., or the Harley that roared down the street two hours earlier. Sometimes my anger is directed at my wife because … well, because she’s not angry.

Calling me stupid is being kind.

When I analyze my anger, I think I’m angry because things are expected of me, which means I’m angry because I’m insecure. My anger is the mask my fear wears.

Essentially, I want to escape. I want to escape expectations. I want to escape responsibility. I want to escape to the joy I see here.

I want the joy I experience when I talk to believers in the developing world. It’s strong and pure. It overflows. It’s valued. And it’s shared generously.

I envy how these believers relate to people and to God. I want what they have. And I suspect they want what I have.

But in that, both of us have it wrong. We’re indulging ourselves, indulging our brokenness. And we’re sinning.

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” — Exodus 20:17 (NIV), emphasis added

The sweet grass on my side of the fence comes with bitter blades in it. The comfort and luxury on my side of the fence can’t deliver what someone else is missing or longing for. And I’m overlooking the real hardships Africans encounter in tending the grass growing on their side of the fence, in extreme poverty.

Joy and hope are everywhere in life, but they’re not to be found in the “green grass” of others. They’re not to be found in money or possessions. They’re not to be found in dreams of escape. They’re only to be found in our Lord.

As sponsors, we’re cultivating joy and hope in the lives of the children we support … even if we’re coveting someone’s green grass at the same time. Through sponsorship I’m fighting the weeds in my grass while also fertilizing the grass on the other side of the fence. The grass is no longer mine or theirs, it’s ours.

My Account l Sponsor a Child l Help Babies and Moms l Crisis Updates

I started sponsoring children when I was 14. Now close to 50, that’s a lot of years of making a difference in kids’ lives with relatively little effort, thanks to Compassion and a few other well-run organizations.

Why aren’t all people of adequate means sponsoring children?

Fear of the unknown? Fear of commitment? Ignorance of the fact that they can, in fact, spare the change?

Maybe it’s simply that they still haven’t heard of it yet.

My main career is graphic design, but I’ve also become a bit of a writer. My faith has largely been developed through the simple pleasure of curling up with a good book — thank you C.S. Lewis, Paul Little, Jim Burns — and I would like to give back in the way that I have been impacted, or at least try.

With the subject matters I tackle, I hope to ignite interest in the most important things in life (which are not “things” at all, of course).

Two years ago, I compiled a collection of stories about service. It’s called The Social Cause Diet: Find A Service That Feeds The Soul.

Three of the 45 stories are from avid Compassion fans and spokespeople:

• Shaun Groves
• Justin McRoberts
• Shannon Lowe

I am so grateful for their contributions (and their awesomeness), and anticipate increased awareness of child sponsorship through them.

Presently, I’m working on Volume Two of The Social Cause Diet. If you are reading this blog, it’s likely that you have a story to share! Please consider writing it down and submitting it through www.socialcausediet.com.

As with the first volume, my goal is to communicate that “it is more blessed to give than to receive” while showcasing a wide variety of services. The more stories, the better, and the greater chance readers will find ways in which they would like to serve.

I should mention why the word “diet” is in the title of my book. (Let’s pretend I wasn’t influenced by the fact that diet books tend to sell very well.)

First of all, when we help others, we nourish our souls, so this book suggests a diet for the soul.

I consider the soul to be our real self; the part that can get better and better (with proper feeding), even as its housing wears thin.

Secondly, there is a significant amount of evidence that indicates that people who volunteer regularly tend to be healthier than those who do not volunteer. The studies are amazing.

A steady diet of helping others seems to be as important to our physical well-being as proper nutrition and regular exercise.

Lastly, my personal testimony includes an ugly history of dieting in the usual way — or maybe I should say, dysfunctional way.

I was a compulsive dieter who eventually became bulimic without even knowing the term.

The turning point in my life came when my college roommate got in my face and said, “Gail, the world is bigger than your pack of crackers.”

It was at that moment that I realized how self-absorbed I had become with my dieting, and I didn’t want to stay that way.

While I was not immediately cured of my disorder, the all-important will to get better was there, and my journey to health began.

What I really believe is that our country’s fascination with dieting is all wrong. The more we diet, the more problems we seem to have with obesity and eating disorders.

Maybe it’s because the typical diet makes the dieter the focal point, endorsing the ideology that “it’s all about me.” But true well-being — philosophers, theologians, sociologists, and even politicians all agree — is achieved when we feel connected to something beyond ourselves.

So that’s why I propose going on the Social Cause Diet; that is, developing a lifestyle that incorporates serving others in some way. It may not be easy, but the benefits are well worth it.

And unlike the usual diet that leaves you hungry, this one will fill you up.

Submit your story at www.socialcausediet.com.

My Account l Sponsor a Child l Help Babies and Moms l Crisis Updates

Our ministry takes place in some of the toughest, grittiest places on the planet, but we face these hard realities with an adventuresome spirit.

In the midst of this chaotic world, we do not waiver and we do not blink, as we pursue our single-minded strategy of “Christian holistic development of children in poverty through sponsorship.” We will never raise a white flag in surrender to the evil raging against us.

In the face of extreme poverty, courageous leadership requires determination and faith. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s moving forward despite the fear.

“Courage is fear that has said it’s prayers.” – Karl Barth

Listen to a member of our leadership team talk about the importance of courageous leadership.

My Account l Sponsor a Child l Help Babies and Moms l Crisis Updates