Why Me, God?

Why me God For about 35 years, once I first heard of such a possibility, I wanted to sponsor a child. But for most of that time, I simply could not afford even $10 per month.

About mid-2001, watching a commercial on TV for another organization, I realized I could finally afford to do something. But through which organization? Who could I really count on to use the money for the child’s benefit? Could I trust any of them, and how would I know? Having no answers, I did nothing.

I spent all of 2002 praying for God to show me what area of ministry He wanted me in. Almost every Sunday, I heard, “Find your passion and use it!” “Hmm…where can I get a ‘passion’?” I couldn’t have found a passion in me with a flashlight or a search warrant. So I prayed, and I waited.

Two weeks before Christmas, I walked out of church on a cold, gray day in a mood to match. I walked down three or four steps into the fellowship area and began to pass a row of ministry tables. Above and behind the first one was a banner saying something about Compassion.

I kept walking, but my inner skeptic wanted to know: “What are we being ‘compassionate’ about, today?”

I turned, looked down at a sea of packets, each with a photo of a child; the world stopped, along with all sound and movement around me. I knew what these packets represented.

I stood there, saying half under my breath, “I can do this! I can do this!” About the fourth time, a Voice inside said, “Yes, you can do this. This is it!”

A warmth started at the top of my head and flowed over me and through me, right down to my feet. I took home two packets, unsure about one child.

That afternoon, I went to Compassion’s website to look at more children. I didn’t realize how many photos they kept on there, and I quickly felt overwhelmed. “God, I can’t sponsor them all!” soon changed to “God, we’ve got to find sponsors for these kids!”

About the fourth time (what is it with four times?!), I heard, “Yes, we do!” Then I realized the “This is it” meant more for me than “merely” sponsoring. And I do not mean to minimize the importance of sponsoring!

So, as is true of so many advocates, if not all, I came into this ministry with a clear calling. There have been times when I have needed to remember that, when church doors refused to open, when people walked by the tables with hardly a glance, and I wanted to use a 2×4 on their heads to get their attention. (Thank God, I’ve grown past that!)

But let me mention some of the things that continually reaffirm the rightness of Compassion in my life, and as a real ministry in this world.

  • Letters. From Dominican Republic, Tanzania, Rwanda, and Kenya, I get letters from my girls, thanking me for gifts or just for loving them, telling me what they’re learning and that they and their families pray for me. Compassion strongly encourages sponsors to develop strong relationships with their sponsored children. Not every organization does.
  • Compassion people: staff members, other advocates and sponsors, leaders in the U.S. and in country offices. Some have become good friends, and all are absolutely committed to our Lord Jesus Christ, to His ministry of Compassion, to the poor and to His children.
  • Compassion conferences. Imagine being with several hundred people who come together with one mind, one heart, one passion and one purpose. We worship together and share stories about our sponsored kids and about our advocacy. Speakers, usually including , also encourage, inform, build us up, expand our vision, and send us back to “Jerusalem.” It’s a few days in heaven!
  • Sponsors tours. Mingling with children, handing out candy and stickers, sharing many hugs, meeting and listening to child sponsorship graduates and leadership development students, all reinforce the truth that Compassion’s ministry works and makes a difference in people’s lives and communities. And other, perhaps, than holding your own newborn child for the first time, can anything be better than hugging your sponsored child?
  • Direct evangelism. I know that all of my girls are hearing how much God loves them, about the sacrifice that Jesus made for them, and they are learning from His Word.

    Tausi, in Tanzania, accepted Jesus into her heart at a Compassion-run Bible camp, a couple of years ago. Her next letter to me began, “Praise the Lord!!” and I knew my prayers for her had been answered.

  • Another changed life—mine! Confession is good for the soul, yes?

    Here’s one: Never having had children of my own, I was comfortable with only a few children, over the years.

    But my first sponsor tour changed me. Ever since then, my immediate response on seeing a child is to smile. At church, in the grocery line or wherever, a smile, a wiggle of the fingers, and my day is brighter.

    Now, in the face of a child, I see the heart of God. And, once my heart was opened to my first two girls, my whole world view began to expand, and with it, my heart.

My advocacy has grown, as well, as I’ve moved out of my comfort zone. For four years, I contacted precious few churches.

Then, last year I heard one minute of a sermon on the radio. The preacher mentioned things he’d never heard a dying person say: “I wish I’d spent more time at the office,” or “I wish I’d spent more time surfing the Internet” (ouch!).

I began to ponder what my regret would be, if I were on my deathbed, right then. It hit me hard: “I wish I had contacted more churches!” My blood froze. I didn’t want to die with that regret; could I continue to live with it? Nope.

Then at the Advocates Conference in August, Wess showed a clip from a movie in which Harrison Ford had to take a literal step of faith over a deep chasm—and large chunks of rock swung out to support his feet.

Wess talked about continuing to walk in the direction God has shown us, and I knew I had to pick up that 50 pound. telephone, when I got home. God has helped me to get over myself, somewhat, and keeping our mission in mind, to take one more step, and then another.

Why Compassion? really isn’t my question, because a Higher Authority told me, “This is it!” If it is your question, I hope I’ve provided some reasons.

My question has been, “Why did God choose me for this?” I seem to have been an unlikely choice, but I’m sure part of the answer is that I needed this ministry.

We know that child sponsorship changes the life of everyone who is involved in the relationship. Child advocacy also changes us. It is probably more accurate to say that following God’s lead will always require us to grow. But He is right there, with us.

Go ahead: Ask me what my passion is; I would love to tell you!

20 Comments |Add a comment

  1. Geri Whitaker July 21, 2008

    This is your mother speaking again-! Haven’t I always??! It is so amazing to me,when I read about your call, and realize all you are doing for God and the children-‘that’s the kid that grew up in my house’-how did she get to be so brilliant?’-she listens for God’s voice! I praise Him!!

  2. Kees Boer July 21, 2008

    Hi, Vicki,

    This is such a blessing. I just sort of stumbled accross this when I was curious what “Spotlink” is.

    Such a blessing. Thank you for encouraging me to attend the conference too! I can’t wait!



  3. brad schultz April 17, 2008

    Vicki, having re-read your beautiful and compelling testimony, I must say you are an inspiration in your ministry. I appreciate your heart for kids in poverty! God bless you.

  4. Vicki Small April 17, 2008

    You’re a gift to me, Rachael, with your servant’s heart, your love for Compassion’s ministry, and just for being who God made you to be!

  5. rachael purdy April 16, 2008

    God bless you, Vicki! I’m blessed to know you! You are helping to make a difference in so many lives. Thanks for helping, supporting and encouraging me!

  6. Vicki Small April 7, 2008

    Hi, Mark – you have led me, taught me, inspired and blessed me. Thanks for reading!

  7. Mark Gehri April 5, 2008

    I’m privileged to be one of those “Compassion people” who has served along side of you to grow His Kingdom and to bring Him glory. You are a friend, indeed, Vicki and you have blessed me.
    For the children…mark

  8. Vicki Small April 5, 2008

    Thank you, Sheri and Mike. As I’ve said elsewhere (i.e., my blog and some e-mails), the really neat part is that, when we follow God’s lead, we can see things coming together through the efforts of several different people and avenues. That’s when we know He’s given us only a part of the total responsibility–simply to do what He’s put in front of us, at any given moment. What a relief! It’s not all up to me!

  9. Mike Mitchel April 4, 2008

    Vicki, Thank you for sharing your Compassion experience. It is wonderful to see how God works in the lives of His servants. I am inspired and blessed.

  10. Vicki Small April 4, 2008

    Thank you, Mom. I love you, too!

  11. Sheri Beck April 4, 2008

    Thanks, Vicki! You hit it “right on the head”.
    Praise God for his mighty deeds!

  12. Geri Whitaker April 4, 2008

    Vicki-since this your mother writing, I must tell you I am so grateful to God for all that He has done, and will continue to do wih your call that He is using so wonderfully. I know how you worked to continue your education, and how it has made your call from God, fruitful. He loves you-so do I! Mom

  13. Vicki Small April 4, 2008

    Dave, you’re right: It really doesn’t seem like work!

    Sarah, thank you. Being involved in this ministry is simply a gift from God. If my story inspires, that’s icing!

  14. Sarah April 4, 2008

    What an awesome and inspiring testimony!

  15. Compassion dave April 4, 2008

    Great post Vicki–I can identify with so much of what you have shared (especially the part about how the Lord could have possibly chosen me).

    What a blessing! Keep up the good work (although, it doesn’t really seem like work, does it?)


  16. Vicki Small April 4, 2008

    Ian: I love to share this story (sounds like the title of an old hymn!) because, as you said, He is good!

    Clark: I’m so glad to have offered anything that will help you in your CS!

    Blessed by you both!

  17. Clark Duffey April 4, 2008

    Vicki, thanks for your personal testimony and inspiration that will help me do a CS sermon at our church next Sunday.

  18. Ian Durias April 4, 2008

    Well said, Vicki! I’m grateful that you’ve shared how our Lord is working in your life. He is good!

  19. Vicki Small April 4, 2008

    Thank you, Beverly! I try to leave no doubt. :o)

  20. Beverly April 4, 2008

    Great post, Vicki! One can certainly tell what your passion is.

Add a Comment